New Regulations

What do you get when you smash your face into the ground after having your back bike tire slip out from under you when riding over a large hose laying across a sidewalk?

Well, yes, a bunch of stitches.

You also get a few of these:

That now sit at the ends of any hose that crosses a path on the Northwestern campus.

I am saving lives with my own lameness.

Go me!

Tickets for Meetings

There should be tickets that people need to get into meetings.

Both attendance and punctuality would be increased, as people would have to commit early and would have a reminder of when and where the meeting starts. It would also be necessary to not admit any late people (late people are chumpsauces and I am tired of showing up on time so I can wait 5-10 minutes for other people).

Morale would also be improved as everyone wants to go to events that they have tickets to. Going to meetings would be like going to the movies or a concert.

Even better! You could start charging for tickets to mandatory meetings. Then decide to go green and make them e-tickets that you can charge a ridiculous convenience fee for (as in it is convenient for you so you deserve extra money). For all those that want to get around your fee, they can, but the tickets will be launched into space and then crashed into the Mariana Trench. Have fun getting your ****** ******* tickets.

Give us your money!!

Horses Can Only Support Dictatorships

No Parliament, Senate, or other house of government for horses.

First of all, horses can't sit in chairs.

Second of two, when voting, horses only abstain or vote nay.

They really need to get their act together.



Above: The legislation for warmth fails in part due to Icelandic Horse's vote.